Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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