i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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