yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
