don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
