I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
