i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
