when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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