we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
