No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
