Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
