I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
