what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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