I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is Oprah even human
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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