Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
