I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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