Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
