Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
