everyone is single if you try hard enough
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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