UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
