Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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