Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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