you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
