Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I am morally bankrupt
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
