I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
