I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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