she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize