you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The best revenge is premature balding
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
