There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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