I feel great
I just peed on a car
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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