you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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