even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
