She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
