When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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