Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
