Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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