he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
