i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
