Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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