Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
