i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
