We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
