I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
