I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
