it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
