he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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