come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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