Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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