smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
