He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
