i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize