38 yer olds are good kisserssss
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
