if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
