On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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