I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
