I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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