I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
