I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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