I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
