I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
