You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
