I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
