and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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