and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
