dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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