I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize