I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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