She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
