Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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