so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
