We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
