I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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