I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
