THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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