i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
