I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
